Your Clutter Does Not Define You

Decluttering with ADHD: Key Takeaways

  • Decluttering is overwhelming, especially for ADHD brains, because it involves time, decision-making, effort, and emotional management.
  • Feeling shame around clutter is common but unnecessary — organization doesn’t define self-worth.
  • Start with small, realistic steps — decluttering is about creating a functional, peaceful home, not achieving perfection.

Why Is Decluttering So Hard?

Forty percent of homeowners are afraid of facing the clutter in their homes, according to a 2024 survey. Half of Americans think that at least one room in their home is unsalvageable with clutter. About 1 in 3 ADDitude readers say clutter and home organizing are the areas that cause the most amount of stress in their lives — more than money management, relationships, and physical and mental health.

[Get This Free Download: Free Guide to Hoarding Disorder Vs. ADHD]

Decluttering is hard and overwhelming for many, many reasons; here are a few important ones.

  • We are attached to our stuff. We infuse our belongings with meaning, sometimes justifiably, sometimes not. Either way, our habit of assigning meaning to our possessions often makes it hard to let them go.
  • Decluttering takes lots of time and effort, which triggers avoidance. Very few people wake up and think, “Today’s the day I’m going to declutter.” It’s a multi-step process that takes planning, time management, focus, prioritization, motivation, and emotional regulation — all of which are affected by ADHD and executive dysfunction.
  • Clutter is delayed decision-making. Think about it — you have clutter because you didn’t know what to do with a thing. Faced with analysis paralysis, you decided to set down the item and deal with it later. Now multiply that by hundreds of items, and you have too many DOOM (Didn’t Organize, Only Moved) piles.
  • It’s never-ending. Decluttering and organizing are ongoing necessities, not one-time activities, as some “organizers” out there will have you believe.
  • Clutter blindness is a real phenomenon and another form of avoidance. Our brains become so overwhelmed by the clutter and the decisions it demands that we start to ignore the piles around us. Somehow, we only notice them again when visitors are due.

Care Tasks Are Morally Neutral

There is nothing wrong with finding decluttering difficult. That’s the norm. Yet, there’s a common notion that organized people are somehow “better,” which only adds shame and more difficulty to decluttering.

Here’s the truth: You are not a bad person if you are disorganized. You are not a good person if you are organized. Care tasks — activities that are required to care for the self and keep life going — are morally neutral, according to author KC Davis, who popularized the concept.

[Read: Don’t Organize It, Purge It: 10 Things to Throw Out Now]

Yes, there are benefits to being organized — you can easily find things, sleep in a clear bed, and use your dining table for meals. But being neat and organized doesn’t define your worth. The more you detach your self-worth from tidiness, the easier it becomes to take steps that make your home work for you.

How to Start Decluttering When Overwhelmed

  1. Attach emotional benefit to decluttering. What’s your vision for your home? How do you want your home to feel, look, and function? In other words, why do you want to declutter? Let your answer motivate you. A motivator for a client of mine is connection; her formerly cluttered space kept her from inviting people into her home, which deepened her loneliness.
  2. Design a manageable plan. Go through your home and make a decluttering checklist. Which areas are your biggest pain points? Within those areas, where can you start? Which parts can you do alone, and where do you anticipate needing help?
  3. Schedule decluttering appointments. Treat decluttering like you would a doctor’s appointment and put it on your calendar.
  4. Start small. Rome was not decluttered in a day. As a professional organizer, I spend days decluttering and organizing a home — with a team to help. So if you’re doing it alone, focus on a single drawer, shelf, or cupboard at a time.
  5. Use timers. Even if you’ve given yourself an hour to declutter, break it up into chunks of 10 to 15 minutes.
  6. Accept that clutter will return. Stuff is bound to make its way into your home despite your best efforts to stem the tide. This does not mean that you failed. It only means that life happened. Accept this, and you’ll find it easier to commit to regular decluttering, organizing, and cleaning sessions.
  7. Done is better than perfect. Your home doesn’t have to look Pinterest-perfect. It’s not about putting things in nifty boxes and labels and making it all match. It’s about feeling happy and at peace in your home.

How to Start Decluttering When Overwhelmed: Next Steps

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “How to Organize a Messy Home: Strategies for Clutter and Stress in ADHD Families” [Video Replay & Podcast #520] with Tracy McCubbin, which was broadcast on September 10, 2024.

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